Kottayam: In the picturesque hill town of kottayam in kerala, an unusual meeting was held recently. The participants were, for a change, the harassed husbands or `dukhi patis'. There were husbands of different ages, from the early 20s to late 60s. All of them had a tale of woe to tell about their wives or in-laws. Some of them, now divorced, are leading a lonely life and some others are on the verge of parting ways. The harassed men's forum is the anglised version of the "purush peetana parihara vedi".

The meeting admitted that a lot of poor women suffered ignominies and torture. They ought to be helped but why do the law makers forget that there are also men who silently suffer? "most men will not admit it because it will hurt their manhood," said one of the participants. Samson, a husband in his 30s, working as an accountant in a firm of erumeli, says he found his beautiful wife being inveigled into sex by his manager who had craftily arranged tours for the husband. When she was confronted, she denied it. But instead of repenting, she took up with another man, a rubber tapper.

The husband has sought the divorce and the custody of their 12-year-old daughter. When the issue came to the court, the mother opposed giving custody of the girl to the father for fear of the "dad using her sexually". Recalling it, a sobbing samson wondered what more crueltly could be inflicted on a father than casting a never-dreamt-of slur on him. Rajesh (not the real name) had another problem. His wife dominated him in every sphere and nagged him at every step. He, an artiste, found that all the woman wanted was a servant and driver, not a husband. "so we decided to part".

Appukuttan of cheriyanad has no complaint. Because, he now argued, his life has crossed the rubicon where complaints are not valid. Years ago, as a young man, he consented to marry a woman from thiruvananthapuram. She appeared a shy, young and virtous woman. She lacked none of these qualities. But it turned out later that she was of unsound mind. She would get murderous at times, and abused him. Realisation and confirmation came when the couple had a child, and not long after, another. With the children growing up, the man suffered the mental disorder of the wife, with no solution other than divorce. He could not do it for the sake of their children. Today her parents would not like to see her. "It is my problem, they say." he now believes that the parents deliberately kept her mental state a secret.

Leading the harassed men is senior lawyer of kottayam, k. Divakaran. The man who fought many battles in the courtroom is determined to ensure gender justice, this time for the male. "mawkishly sentimental", is how divakaran described the laws ruling the most private life of man. "our lawmakers go more by sentiment than reason or ense of justice." "presently we are looking at the possibility of challenging certain provisions in the evidence act which are blatenly anti-male," said the sexagenarian lawyer.

"The laws ruling man-women relationship presupposes that a woman will always tell the truth. How can anybody ever be sure of this?" he wanted to know. For instance, ipc sec 375 on rape says, "A man is said to commit rape when it is against her consent."

This puts all the onus on the male who comes in contact with a woman, no matter which party has taken the lead. "with the national commission for women drafting a new bill on harassment of women at workplace, the situation is more grim. "I, on my part, am preparing to challenge certain provisions in the IPC and Evidence Act," divakaran said.