Is it acceptable for a couple to live in or not?  It is interesting to note that this is a much-debated topic on the Internet. Under the cloak of anonymity, people openly talk about their understanding of society, give their views and share their opinions.

It is interesting to observe what people think. One argument is that society runs on certain protocols, and that its uniqueness should be preserved. Another openly blames the ‘West’ for giving such unwanted ideas about living in to the ‘East’. A third argument woefully stated that the times were changing and that we all ought to keep up with it.

World history ironically, is replete with tales of polygamy, polyandry and other juicy tales of men and their mistresses. Although living in is still looked upon as a taboo in society, there is a definite increase in such relationships over the years.

This generation is frequently blamed for being too financial independent, unwilling to commit or make compromises- hence the need to be in a relationship that is easy to get out of. Of course, with regard to this topic, there is no right or wrong.

Whether you choose to live in with your partner or not, depends entirely on both your perspectives, morals, families and more importantly, how you both see your future together. After all, should society have the last word to decide that marriage and not living in is the only socially acceptable relationship?

Why is a marriage looked at with respect and a live in relationship looked at with raised eyebrows? For one, it is believed that there are no guarantees in a live in relationship.

Let’s put it like this. If there are no real reasons to stay in a relationship, nothing stops a partner from actually walking out. After all, there are no strings attached. In a marriage, it is expected that couples will have their issues, but will compromise and sort out their problems together.

Secondly, a live in relationship is often thought of as encouraging sexual promiscuity or infidelity. In a marriage, partners are supposed to stay sexually active with only each other.

Thirdly, in a live in relationship the commitment between two partners is questionable. They want to have somebody around, but don’t really want to commit for life because what if this isn’t the ‘right’ person? In marriage, the commitment factor is believed to be powerful enough to bind couples together and pull them through anything.

Fourthly, most people are raised in a way that upholds the sanctity of marriage. No matter how modern they are, most Asian parents are not comfortable with the thought of their children having a live in relationship.

The most common arguments in such cases are “Look at us, we have been married for the past 30 years, why not them?’ or even ‘what will other people say if they know?’

Fifthly, having children can complicate matters further. According to studies, children thrive in an emotionally secure and financially stable environment. On the other hand, they can get adversely affected if they see either parent with different live in partners – a situation that does not arise in a marriage.

Children who are aware that their parents are unmarried often become curious to know why their family is ‘different’ from others.  If the partners break up, another question that arises is who will take care of the child. Making joint decisions on finances and expenses may also be more difficult for a live in couple.

On the other hand, a live in relationship has its plus points as well. The no strings attached clause is an advantage, especially if you feel that you may not be with the right person and need time to make life-changing decisions. It is better than getting married on a whim, being unhappy, and then going through the hassles of a divorce.

There are no elaborate ceremonies or customs to go through in a live in relationship, unlike a wedding, which can be an expensive affair.

Marital torture, dowry and sexual harassment are a few of the problems that married women are increasingly facing these days. Often the stigma attached to speaking out and getting a divorce, is reason enough for many women to suffer in silence. In a live in relationship, since there are no prior commitments, walking out on a partner is painful but relatively easier.

There are pros and cons to both a live in relationship and marriage because each has their happy stories to tell. There are so many live in couples who haven’t tied the knot, but who are blissfully happy together as well as many live in couples who eventually say ‘I do’.

On the other hand, many married couples are happy and secure because of the lifelong commitment they have made and there are also couples who are far from happy but simply stay together for different reasons. Eventually, the decisions and responsibilities attached to either relationship rest with you. Either way, it is taking a chance.

About the Author:

Sanjana George is a MBA holder, a HR Sr Executive and a freelance creative writer. She has developed and written content  for websites such as Finance Strategy, Travel guide 4 planet and a children’s website Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, among others. She has also published a book of poems – “As a candle flickered in the dark”.