There's no complex recipe to keeping love alive in an old relationship or marriage. It's just remembering to do the simple things, writes Visy Valsan

She hugged him tight on the eve of Valentine's Day. Her husband had made her day. Then, like an elated child, 47-year-old Elena Smith went around showing off her new diamond pendant to all her friends and to anyone who would say "wow". "Look at her," laughed her friends affectionately, "she is still blushing even after 22 years of marriage."

Unlike many couples who find their marriage turning either into a tumultuous roller coaster ride or just fading into monotony, there are those that work hard towards keeping it special. "Ours was a love marriage and even today, we keep the evenings just for ourselves. It isn't just about talking, we share a lot through silence too," says Smith, mother of three who believes that investing time in your marital relationship is a must.

For non-believers, submitting to a boring marriage is part of accepting fissures in relationships. 'When marriage begins, courtship ends' is an adage too many take seriously. So, as life chugs along, the spouse starts featuring last on the priority list; the first being bills of various kinds followed by children's education.

"Slipping into that kind of belief is easy, especially when one does not make the effort to keep the spirit of marriage alive," says Sumita Tandon*, a newly wed who feels that the magic of love can be found in a touch, flower or a few gentle words. "It's amazing," adds Tandon, who talks about her parents who have been married for 26 years and still very much in love. "Even though they have been married for so long, I have never seen them holding hands or sitting next to each other. But this year, dad got a cake for mum on their anniversary and took her out for the weekend. They had a very good time."

In fact, for many couples who are losing the lustre of youth and sprouting grey hair, 'love' is about more than just the romance. Sroash Printer, who has been married to Rosalie for the past 45 years, feels that whole idea of 'love and the spark that never died' is often an anomaly in the mellowed years. "As you grow old, love is infinitely deeper, it's friendship. That's when the real understanding steps in," says Printer.

Restaurants, parties or getaways are not ideal manifestations of love for Printer. "For us, it's home. We've worked for it our entire lives and there's nothing more cozy than that."

What it takes for couples to be happy are not just the gestures. It's the compatibility as well. While many of them have gone through the ebbs and tides of the long journey, they still keep nurturing what they had vowed to do — be together. Says Radhika Murthy*, who has been married to Shyam for the past 43 years, "Shyam and I go out for breakfast every Saturday morning. Sometimes it's Brindavan, otherwise some other place in the city. But it is a must." She even talks about how they used to go out for Valentine's Day dinners and remembers collecting her husband's gifts.

Celebrating togetherness is the real joy in a courtship, whether after or before marriage. Remember then, to whisper your happiness in your spouse's ears or hold hands while strolling down the park and, importantly, learn to embrace the joy of growing old together.

You just may feel the spark again.
* Names changed on request