Abusive relationships are the sad reality of young couples

Rihanna was allegedly beaten up by her boyfriend, hip-hop star Chris Brown. But the story took a fresh twist when Brown said in his defence that he raised his hand only after Rihanna started beating him.

Abusive relationships unfortunately are becoming the sad reality of urban youngsters. Love these days is revealing its dark side. Physical and mental abuse are recurrent in many relationships today though very few want to admit to this in public.

Youngsters confess that from slapping and assaulting to vocal insults in public places, abuse is becoming a regular feature. “I have seen girls being forced to pay for their boyfriends all the time,” says K. Priyadarshini, a student of IIPM. “There are cases a girl has to pay for his friends too. Guys even make their girlfriends carry their bag and sunglasses,” she adds.

Girls often choose to stay quiet thinking that all this is part of a relationship. And due to this docile stance they get bullied very easily. “Girls usually allow the guy to take charge of their life in a relationship,” says Jyothi Raja, counsellor at Sri Dipti Counselling and Guidance Centre. “It starts with letting him decide which T-shirt you must wear when you go out with him and later heads to extreme limits.” She points out that many young men are control freaks who love to show off before their male pals how they can order their girlfriends around. “It may end up in physical and mental abuse,” warns Jyothi Raja, who reports there is an increase in such cases among young couples.

Aparajita Sen, a student of Geetanjali School, feels girls are often subjected to extreme psychological torture. “I know of friends whose boyfriends often make fun of their physical appearance or poke fun at their baby fat. Guys do this before their pals and they have a good laugh at the girl’s expense. These poor girls break down, but later they patch up and the cycle continues,” she says.

Aparajita points out that all this lowers the self-esteem of the girl.

“Her low self-worth, progressively lowered in an abusive relationship, means that however imperfect her man is, she still feels inferior to him. As a result, girls fail to walk out of an abusive relationship,” she says.

However, Firdaus Abdul Majeed, a student of St Mary, says that physical abuse is not confined to a boy hitting the girl anymore. The reverse is also true, just as it happened in Brown’s case. “I know friends who have been in abusive relationships for months, so much so that it has become a way of life for them.

The guy hits the girl and she hits back, and this goes on till the scene gets ugly. Such scenes are common in pubs and cafes too.

It’s weird how they live with it and pretend to be happy,” she quips. Whoever said love hurts certainly didn’t have this current scenario in mind.