Oxford University setup a Panel to review letter ‘M’ in English language .
(Satire)
Mumbai, February 1st , 2021
In a sudden move, Oxford University has setup a panel of experts to review the English language and advise on changes. University had to take the immediate action in light of controversy with Indian fashion brand Myntra.
Our correspondent Chandu Chutney has contacted the head of panel Johny English over phone to understand more about the formation and action of the panel.
Chandu Chutney: Mr English, what was the need to review the English language and form this panel in so much hurry?
Johny English: Mr Chutney, we have been receiving reports & letters from various organizations since 2002 about the letter ‘M’ being very offensive and hurting the sentiments of common Indian public, we have ignored these so far as there were some random supporting materials being published. But recently we have heard the news of some women taking offence against the shape of the letter. It was the final nail in coffin to review the language when the fashion brand Myntra had to change its logo. We do not want Mumbai Police officials to come to our premises for investigation.
Chandu Chutney: Why does Oxford University in United Kingdom take cognizance of issues in India?
Johny English: See Mr Chutney, India as a country the largest English-speaking population, we do not want them to protest against us anywhere in the world and climb on Eiffel Tower to put their flag. Also, we want to avoid SIMP society burning the copies of Oxford Dictionaries on the street of India and create more pollution.
Chandu Chutney: What if the Indian govt dislikes your idea of altering letter ‘M’ and take actions?
Johny English: Our legal expert team are already taking steps to tackle Indian govt in courts for coming many generations, by the time the reviewed English would already be part of common people language. Also, we are certain govt will not take any action in hurry and upset their SIMP vote bank.
Chandu Chutney: What changes you are planning to recommend in review of the letter ‘M’?
Johny English: It’s a very difficult task to replace just a letter in such a wide used language. So, we are thinking similar to “50 Shades of Grey” we will propose multiple shades of English. It will be very useful in Indian context as the language being twisted in different part of India and it will be easy to teach as the teacher could offer multiple shades of same language (like dresses) to the ladies/SIMP.
Chandu Chutney: Thank you Mr English.
Johny English: Dhanyawaad Chutney Ji.
Govt spoke person Gambhir Tapri has mentioned that we are reviewing the complete situation and necessary action will be take in due course.
Meanwhile, Manav Mukadma from South Mumbai has challenged the move of Oxford university and looking for sections to ask for stay in any change with letter M. He will raise this matter to Mumbai Police and all the level up to ICJ to avoid making any changes to his all-time favourite language.
